Triple Layer Coconut Cake with Lemon Filling and Boiled Icing. Sounds Dangerous.
I had a coconut left over from the Totally Tropical Beach Party.
I decided it would be a crying shame to let it go to waste and so off I went to google to find a recipe that used fresh coconut.
I stumbled upon this:http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/emeril-lagasse/fresh-coconut-cake-with-a-lemon-cream-cheese-filling-and-boiled-icing-recipe/index.html and my saliva glands went into overdrive. I was frothing (and if you’ll read on you’ll see that frothing at the mouth is somewhat of a theme while making this mission of a cake)
So the morning dawned. It was a Sunday, but a special Sunday – It was a bank holiday which means that Sunday is actually Saturday and Saturday is like a Friday, but a Friday that you’ve booked off work.
I cracked open the coconut.
It was rotten to the core.
That cake though, that sweet, sweet cake had burrowed it’s way into my brain and I was determined to make it. A rotten coconut was not going to beat me. Oh No.
So I went shopping and got some desiccated coconut.
This recipe is HARDCORE. It requires 3 layers of cake. This is a challenge for me as I only own two 8 inch tins, I do have a third tin which just about fits the bill but I was a bit nervous about not using matching tins. Honestly, my naivety at this point is, with hindsight, touching.
I preheated the oven (my oven needs to start at gas mark seven in order to ignite) and got on with creaming the butter and sugar together
I continued on with the recipe. Adding flour, oil and buttercream to the mix
I then whipped the egg whites into stiff peaks before folding them into the batter (I’m starting to feel slightly pissed off by this point, this is the sort of recipe which requires the use of every single bowl and spoon in the kitchen)
I folded the egg whites into the batter and poured the mixture into the pre-prepared cake tins. Into the oven they go..
I forgot to turn down the heat.
I’M COOKING THESE BABIES AT TWICE THE HEAT THEY SHOULD BE AT.
I didn’t even notice, I was so busy getting on with the next level of madness (the lemon and creamcheese filling) that it was only after about 10 minutes and a really STRONG smell of cake
burning cooking that I realised my mistake.
This could have been a very different blog if I had waited even 3 minutes more, but with a quick application of tin foil and a swift reduction of the heat, I managed to salvage the situation. (I might have also said the word FUCKING FUCKKK about 17 times.)
I move onto the lemon filling. This goes without incident, and is butter, creamcheese, lemon zest and lemon juice whipped together.
The cakes are cooling and before I can spread the filling, I have to make the icing.
At this point I realise that I have to make a sugar syrup which is meant to then be whipped into stiffened egg whites. Brilliant. This recipe might as well ask me to conjure a a robot army out of the dirt in my back garden, FOR FUCK’S SAKE. This is also the moment that I realise that NOT reading recipes before embarking upon them can turn me into a snarling, slathering BitchBeast.
After I had cleared up the unbelievably quick-cooling-dries-to-a-crack-glaze-all-over-the-hob sugar syrup and poured it, with fear in my heart, into the whipped egg whites I got on with filling and icing the cake.
This cake weighs in at an impressive 955 calories per tenth of an 8 inch diameter cake.
Oh. My. Hips.
And it tasted like eating a coconut and lemon cloud of diabetes coma, ie: delicious.
What can we learn from this post? READ THE RECIPE, you idiot, and if it sounds too much like hard work, it probably is. (but this was totally worth it)