The Ostrich Egg or What The Jeff am I meant to do with this thing? (How to cook an ostrich egg)

£19.99 - bargainous *face*

My cousin (much beloved) came to stay with me last year. During our trip to Bluewater, I noticed an OSTRICH EGG for sale.

Of course, I had to buy it – Do I look stupid?

An ostrich egg, you may or may not know, is one of the most tactile and amazing things evah! It was weird how attached Anna and I got to it.

We cradled it between our breasts


J'Adore LOuef de OSTRICH

If we felt a bit sad for some reason (maybe, like, if we flicked over the TV and saw a moment of Eastenders or something..) then we’d get the egg out and give it a kiss

Have you ever held an Ostrich Egg? You would kiss it too. Believe

It t’was a thing of wonder.

But the morning came…

And I knew that we had to either open the egg and be constructive, or let the egg become a rotting horror. Did you know that it would take about an hour and a half to hard boil an ostrich egg? And you would need to let it cool down for oh..I dunno about 6 hours before you could crack it open? Did you know that an ostrich egg is the equivalent of 24 hen’s eggs? Did you know that I am making this stuff up? Or am I?

And so, I called upon a man to come and open the egg.

Note the drill bit. It's one of them ones what can get through an Ostrich egg

And then we finally got through

A hole!

I almost wet myself with excitement/fear/regret at this point.

I was innocent. I was unaware of what was about to happen.

Um. That looks a bit gross...



*silent scream*

ARGGGGHHHHHH!!!!. That's a big mixing bowl.


The whole thing has gone horribly egg and now we’re all egg and help me, egg.

I whisked it

This is a Kenwood Chef Mixing Bowl. Oh Yes.

We were off to a party that night. I was determined to take the egg to the party. It might have been violently broken and whisked…but I was just about to make a fritatta out of the whole situation.

I want to want it...

But I’m scared…


And so…I took the Ostrich Egg Frittata to the party…Got very drunk, fell in a bush and ended up with many bruises.

I have cleverly matched my dress to my arm

Touche Ostrich. Touche

Revenge is mine!


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Posted on 06/10/2011, in General Bumpf and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. hmmm after reading this I am now considering breakfast at the Egg and I

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